A missing father? The absence of a good, self-mastered, adult male who is your father and acts like it? Utterly destructive long-term, especially for boys.
ANW is correct, no slight meant to you. In another time, it would not have been an excuse. The problem is we've made excuses for this demographic's behavior for far too long. All while handing them every imaginable opportunity. Scott Adams' point.
All I did was state what is a verifiable fact based on Linda Gomez's point about absent fathers. My comment omits any attempt to excuse what this kid did; my only intent was to reinforce the fact that broken homes often (not always...) result in "broken" kids. Additionally, I intended to convey my respect for men who maintain allegiance to their wives and families and implicitly state how fundamentally important good men are -- to all of us.
There was nothing wrong with your comment STL. I said explicitly in response to your query that my comment was in response to yours but that "you are not the one using it as an excuse." I also said "A missing parent is not an excuse for mistreating others. It's often used as an excuse. Sorry if I seemed to imply that you were doing so. Clearly you were not." There was no slight meant to you. Your comment was a good comment. I agree with you that: "The absence of a good, self-mastered, adult male who is your father and acts like it ... is [u]tterly destructive long-term, especially for boys." I also think it's destructive for girls, but your comment acknowledges that. You said "... especially for boys," not" only for boys" and I agree. You didn't say a thing about the absence of a mother, which I think is undesirable for both boys and girls" but that doesn't mean you don't think mothers are important. Again, there's no possible way to rationally construe your statement as being an attempt to construe what the kid did. You write good comments, and the one I responded to was no exception. I responded to your comment because it was a good comment. I hope this helps to clear things up.
Oh, my goodness, my friend. ЁЯШК My final comment (and it will be my final one!) was directed to Jonesysmart who'd replied to me. I did see your follow up to me and I think I gave it a heart.
I think it can get confusing sometimes on these threads as to who's replying/responding to whom. I think that may have happened here. Anyway! All good, I hope?
Yes, but you are not the one using it as an excuse. Many do use it as an excuse. Violent rapists and murderers and other criminals tend to be the product of single mothers. Single fathers tend to produce better outcomes. I was raised by a single father. He was a hard core Nazi and atheist, who despised what he called "the L word" (love) and thought Hitler was too soft, but he never abused me or neglected his parental responsibilities. Fortunately, I had a strong, compassionate, loving maternal grandmother in my life, part of the time anyway. The children of single mothers go to court and then offer what Dershowitz in his book of the same name called "The Abuse Excuse" to explain why they raped or murdered someone. The absence of a good, self-mastered role model of the opposite, or same, sex definitely harms both boys and girls, but it is not an excuse for criminal or other antisocial behavior, even though it is often offered as one. Most of the products of single parenting never rape or murder anyone. They are harmed and disadvantaged but it doesn't necessarily destroy their humanity. I found my mother dead, killed in a terrible accident, when I was a very small boy. I have every developmental hallmark of a serial killer, early traumatic loss etc, and yet I am not one. I have compassionate empathy. A missing parent is not an excuse for mistreating others. It's often used as an excuse. Sorry if I seemed to imply that you were doing so. Clearly you were not.
Yes Rae, thank you. You are absolutely right. It makes all the difference. I was very fortunate in that respect and she was very warm and the kindest and most decent human being I have ever met. She had to discipline me on occasion but never did so angrily or abusively.
I see there was a 16 hour ago thread that wasn't showing up on my feed apparently or I wouldn't have made the comment at all. I have to say I've gotten replies to my comments that looked like they were meant for the person ahead of me before, and made some that were meant for another in a thread. Not saying that's what happened agreeing with STL's assessment of possibilities.
If there is no father in the picture, it's way more than "not easy"
I would definitely agree, same as if there is no mother in the picture. One missing parent, I believe, makes it much harder on the single parent.
A missing father? The absence of a good, self-mastered, adult male who is your father and acts like it? Utterly destructive long-term, especially for boys.
That is not an excuse!
Is this a response to my comment, ANW?
ANW is correct, no slight meant to you. In another time, it would not have been an excuse. The problem is we've made excuses for this demographic's behavior for far too long. All while handing them every imaginable opportunity. Scott Adams' point.
All I did was state what is a verifiable fact based on Linda Gomez's point about absent fathers. My comment omits any attempt to excuse what this kid did; my only intent was to reinforce the fact that broken homes often (not always...) result in "broken" kids. Additionally, I intended to convey my respect for men who maintain allegiance to their wives and families and implicitly state how fundamentally important good men are -- to all of us.
There was nothing wrong with your comment STL. I said explicitly in response to your query that my comment was in response to yours but that "you are not the one using it as an excuse." I also said "A missing parent is not an excuse for mistreating others. It's often used as an excuse. Sorry if I seemed to imply that you were doing so. Clearly you were not." There was no slight meant to you. Your comment was a good comment. I agree with you that: "The absence of a good, self-mastered, adult male who is your father and acts like it ... is [u]tterly destructive long-term, especially for boys." I also think it's destructive for girls, but your comment acknowledges that. You said "... especially for boys," not" only for boys" and I agree. You didn't say a thing about the absence of a mother, which I think is undesirable for both boys and girls" but that doesn't mean you don't think mothers are important. Again, there's no possible way to rationally construe your statement as being an attempt to construe what the kid did. You write good comments, and the one I responded to was no exception. I responded to your comment because it was a good comment. I hope this helps to clear things up.
Oh, my goodness, my friend. ЁЯШК My final comment (and it will be my final one!) was directed to Jonesysmart who'd replied to me. I did see your follow up to me and I think I gave it a heart.
I think it can get confusing sometimes on these threads as to who's replying/responding to whom. I think that may have happened here. Anyway! All good, I hope?
All good. Thank you!
It didn't look like you were making an excuse for his behavior, and your final comment was a bit of sarcasm in attempt of humor as i saw it.
Yes, but you are not the one using it as an excuse. Many do use it as an excuse. Violent rapists and murderers and other criminals tend to be the product of single mothers. Single fathers tend to produce better outcomes. I was raised by a single father. He was a hard core Nazi and atheist, who despised what he called "the L word" (love) and thought Hitler was too soft, but he never abused me or neglected his parental responsibilities. Fortunately, I had a strong, compassionate, loving maternal grandmother in my life, part of the time anyway. The children of single mothers go to court and then offer what Dershowitz in his book of the same name called "The Abuse Excuse" to explain why they raped or murdered someone. The absence of a good, self-mastered role model of the opposite, or same, sex definitely harms both boys and girls, but it is not an excuse for criminal or other antisocial behavior, even though it is often offered as one. Most of the products of single parenting never rape or murder anyone. They are harmed and disadvantaged but it doesn't necessarily destroy their humanity. I found my mother dead, killed in a terrible accident, when I was a very small boy. I have every developmental hallmark of a serial killer, early traumatic loss etc, and yet I am not one. I have compassionate empathy. A missing parent is not an excuse for mistreating others. It's often used as an excuse. Sorry if I seemed to imply that you were doing so. Clearly you were not.
Yes Rae, thank you. You are absolutely right. It makes all the difference. I was very fortunate in that respect and she was very warm and the kindest and most decent human being I have ever met. She had to discipline me on occasion but never did so angrily or abusively.
Sorry, but I didn't read it as her making an excuse at all, others have but her final statement was sarcastic humor in my eyes.
I also didn't read it as her making an excuse. I've already said so previously.
I see there was a 16 hour ago thread that wasn't showing up on my feed apparently or I wouldn't have made the comment at all. I have to say I've gotten replies to my comments that looked like they were meant for the person ahead of me before, and made some that were meant for another in a thread. Not saying that's what happened agreeing with STL's assessment of possibilities.
Yes that does happen. Replies are sometimes quite removed from the comment they are replying to and it can get confusing.