RACHEL MALDONADO's 'No sex relationships' substack is well written, explained, & I felt so very interesting that I wanted to share; I find nuggets in all I read, I may not agree with all, as will you;
RACHEL MALDONADO's 'No sex relationships' substack is well written, explained, & I felt so very interesting that I wanted to share; I find nuggets in all I read, I may not agree with all, as will you;
get from it what you want or discard...support Rachel's work, this is a young professional who has stood with us Freedom Fighters, McCullough, myself, others, battling on front lines...
I'm not sure how old the author is but sex does change as one ages. I've started telling couples in their mid to late 40's, "your relationship better be deeper then sex." Society puts alot of focus on that. Imagine if we nurtured kindness, attention, understanding, selflessness in a relationship.... the strength that would bring to a relationship. Treating each other like you would treat a friend. Heck, maybe if that was nurtured more sex would be had.
I've been married twice. The 1st marriage, sex was manipulative. 2nd marriage, always on his time, not mine. Then there were relationships in between. Sex without attachment. I didn't really think it could exist. For men, clearly yes. Now maybe it's me, BUT shouldn't romance happen before you crawl between the sheets? This is a key component that men miss (from a female perspective)
Relationships between men & women have changed. When I consider my parents/grandparents they were each others friend. BFF's if you will. They had no other place they wanted to be. That nurtured their relationship. That doesn't seem to hold true today. We've fallen into this bizarre behavior of men outings/trips, girls outings/trips. I know where my husband would rather be! Which brings me back to my 1st point, if we worked equally as hard on ALL the other things that make relationships strong, divorce rates wouldn't be what they are. It's not just about sex, it's the entire package.
In a world of blowhards, researchers, theoreticians and rabid miserable couch wankers who have strong opinions about nothing really, you gave a candid reply; you spoke from experience and the heart; and had the femininity and self-confidence to lay it all out.
I salute you.
In a world gone backwards already, one that's become way too conservative for all the wrong reasons, insular and especially daft, sex is becoming the biggest deal ever.
In Sweden you need to sign a contract before you have sex with a person for the first time.
Just imagine the timing issues.
The bottom line is sex is oldest act known to man and woman and it's not much to fuss about.
However, in the words of the late American author, Gore Vidal, "there's nothing safe about sex".
As a sort-of corollary, Gore Vidal also said: "I can understand companionship. I can understand bought sex in the afternoon. I cannot understand the love affair."
As I'm reading this I think of YouTube content creators like Paul Elam, "Better Bachelor", "Sandman" "Coach Greg Adams" and "Misandry Today"; I imagine there's feminine equivalents.. and they're not at all encouraging.. 🤔
Sexless relationships may sometimes work but not very often. Both spouses need to be comfortable with such a relationship. The link between frustration and aggression is very well established. Frustration feeds the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" (contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness) found by New York marriage therapist John Gottman and his wife to predict the impending end of a relationship. I have several times warned male friends who were behaving passive-aggressively by sexually neglecting their wives that "If you do not f*ck them they will f*ck off" and that has generally proved to be true. If the level of intimacy exceeds the level of conflict then that's a positive and occasional negative withdrawals will not be harmful but if the converse is true and there's nothing "in the bank" then that's a negative.
An off-topic, yet mind-clearing subject nevertheless. For me, unless there are unresolvable medical issues, monogamous sex is the component of a marriage that makes it unique from all other common relationships. If there is no sex, there is no marriage, just common friendship. Sex needs to be prioritized by simply expecting and planning it. Spontaneous is nice but why takes chances? Planned date nights, which explicitly mean ‘we are having sex tonight’ reduce ambiguity and prevent disappointment.
I'm not sure how old the author is but sex does change as one ages. I've started telling couples in their mid to late 40's, "your relationship better be deeper then sex." Society puts alot of focus on that. Imagine if we nurtured kindness, attention, understanding, selflessness in a relationship.... the strength that would bring to a relationship. Treating each other like you would treat a friend. Heck, maybe if that was nurtured more sex would be had.
I've been married twice. The 1st marriage, sex was manipulative. 2nd marriage, always on his time, not mine. Then there were relationships in between. Sex without attachment. I didn't really think it could exist. For men, clearly yes. Now maybe it's me, BUT shouldn't romance happen before you crawl between the sheets? This is a key component that men miss (from a female perspective)
Relationships between men & women have changed. When I consider my parents/grandparents they were each others friend. BFF's if you will. They had no other place they wanted to be. That nurtured their relationship. That doesn't seem to hold true today. We've fallen into this bizarre behavior of men outings/trips, girls outings/trips. I know where my husband would rather be! Which brings me back to my 1st point, if we worked equally as hard on ALL the other things that make relationships strong, divorce rates wouldn't be what they are. It's not just about sex, it's the entire package.
Hi Elle,
In a world of blowhards, researchers, theoreticians and rabid miserable couch wankers who have strong opinions about nothing really, you gave a candid reply; you spoke from experience and the heart; and had the femininity and self-confidence to lay it all out.
I salute you.
In a world gone backwards already, one that's become way too conservative for all the wrong reasons, insular and especially daft, sex is becoming the biggest deal ever.
In Sweden you need to sign a contract before you have sex with a person for the first time.
Just imagine the timing issues.
The bottom line is sex is oldest act known to man and woman and it's not much to fuss about.
However, in the words of the late American author, Gore Vidal, "there's nothing safe about sex".
Best to you
Barry
As a sort-of corollary, Gore Vidal also said: "I can understand companionship. I can understand bought sex in the afternoon. I cannot understand the love affair."
Love it, my brother.
Best to you x
As I'm reading this I think of YouTube content creators like Paul Elam, "Better Bachelor", "Sandman" "Coach Greg Adams" and "Misandry Today"; I imagine there's feminine equivalents.. and they're not at all encouraging.. 🤔
Sexless relationships may sometimes work but not very often. Both spouses need to be comfortable with such a relationship. The link between frustration and aggression is very well established. Frustration feeds the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" (contempt, criticism, stonewalling and defensiveness) found by New York marriage therapist John Gottman and his wife to predict the impending end of a relationship. I have several times warned male friends who were behaving passive-aggressively by sexually neglecting their wives that "If you do not f*ck them they will f*ck off" and that has generally proved to be true. If the level of intimacy exceeds the level of conflict then that's a positive and occasional negative withdrawals will not be harmful but if the converse is true and there's nothing "in the bank" then that's a negative.
This has been expressed in the equation:
F*cks - Fights = +
It’s an honor to be in this fight for freedom with you 🇺🇸 🇨🇦
Yeah, this filipina is anti=sex. I followed her in the beginning and started to get bad vibes from her. She has issues.
An off-topic, yet mind-clearing subject nevertheless. For me, unless there are unresolvable medical issues, monogamous sex is the component of a marriage that makes it unique from all other common relationships. If there is no sex, there is no marriage, just common friendship. Sex needs to be prioritized by simply expecting and planning it. Spontaneous is nice but why takes chances? Planned date nights, which explicitly mean ‘we are having sex tonight’ reduce ambiguity and prevent disappointment.
"The pleasure is momentary, the posture ridiculous, and the expense — 𝙙𝙖𝙢𝙣𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚."
— A wise English nobleman of the 19th or early 20th century; can't remember his name... 🙄